I haven’t written in this blog in awhile, perhaps I have been blocked by mourning.  Loss is not only about getting through the first year, because after time passes the pain and grief remain.  Time does not heal, even though it passes.  The memories fade, but not the longing.  It is an individual action that no one can ease.  We are alone in it, even if we are surrounded by those we love.  But, that is not necessarily a bad thing.  It is not as dismal as it appears.  There is something sacred and grounding about digging down deep to feel what that person meant to you.  I am no expert.  Many people have lost more than I.  I look to them for a quiet guidance that will lead me to a greater understanding.  How do we move forward with the absence of phone calls, missing birthdays, holidays and the everydayness of life?  Is it the knowledge of the the depth of love and relationship, rooted in trust and devotion.  I haven’t written because it is impossible to put into words the feelings and truthfully the audience dwindles over time.  It is pointless to ruminate on what was, it is in the past….kind of like the politics of the day.  The past is gone, the future lies unsure and choppy.  Yet, I try to visual the calm waters where I float on my back trusting the waves won’t crash over my head. I have focused so much on mourning in these posts but perhaps it is time to move on from that as well. We shall see where we go together.  

Clinging to Her Touch